When it comes to relationships, everyone knows that they are not easy but it still baffles me that many people, especially women tend to think they can change their significant other to act in a certain way. Sure, there is a myriad of things that could be preventing your person from changing but eventually you have to weigh up the odds, is it worth tolerating that behavior and are there more good times than bad? These are important questions to ask when you find yourself weary or in doubt.
I had this discussion with some of my friends and one thing seemed pretty obvious -we all have the answers and the best advice to give when we are NOT in the situation but when we are deep in it we are blind to the obvious signs and facts that your /crush/lover is just not the one for you, yet somehow we think we can change their behavior. It’s so important to always remember that you cannot make anyone change, people change when they are ready to and because they want to, not because you want them to. And sometimes it’s not about change, sometimes it’s just who they are as a person and you are asking for the impossible, almost like asking a fish to climb a tree. No matter how badly you want to see that fish climb a tree, it will never happen. So you can’t cry wolf when you put your fish to the impossible test of asking it to climb a tree and it fails to deliver. You knew it was a fish all along and you knew it’s capabilities would never match your expectations.
I am no expert at this but given the millions of conversations I have had with my friends and experiences I have had on my part, we really need to let go of this idea that we can change people. It’s not a new discovery, it’s just a plain fact that we tend to easily forget when we get too wrapped up in our feelings. I won’t say much else but I’ll leave us all with this to ponder:
Relationships are all about compromise, and there’s no such thing as a perfect match.
But we owe it to ourselves to recognize what’s non-negotiable in relationships so we don’t end up resentfully sacrificing our needs while secretly hoping the people we’re with will make it worth our while.
The people we want to change—there are others out there who’d accept and even value them, just as they are. We can appreciate them for all their unique quirks, interests, and preferences. Or we can set them free and create the possibility of finding better matches.
We deserve to be happy in our relationships. That starts with choosing to be with people we’d never want to change.