Is it too late now to say sorry?


So a lot of people have been asking me, “when are you going to update us about New York and put pictures on your blog” (by a lot I mean like 3 or 4 people lol). The sad truth is, since I got back from New York, I’ve been man down with lord knows what. I went to see the doctor today and she said it is fatigue mixed with jet lag and possibly a few viruses I may have picked up in New York or on the flight back to Brisbane. I’ve literally been in bed, surviving by a thread and only leaving the house when I absolutely have to. I don’t feel sick sick, I just feel drained; my nose is runny and I am have this weird cough. So it’s kinda like a “fake flu.” Whatever it is I hate it and it needs to just stop.

It sucks because I have a lot of work to do and so many articles to chase up on to ensure they get published on time and a few other articles that I need to follow up on -but my body seems to have other plans. Plans that have drained all my energy. So anyways, enough about my pity party, this is me toughing it out at 12:26am and sharing what I can so that those few people who do visit my blog aren’t met with the slack and disappointment that has been going on here. If you do read my blog on the regular, I do apologize for not having  any new content… since December so uh -happy new year too 🙂

I went to New York at the start of January for a 4 day conference. I took it upon myself to stay an extra 4 days to explore the city and really -just to get away from my normal routine of work and school here in Brisbane. I challenged myself for a different kind of work. To say the trip was amazing is an actual understatement. Actually wait no -I lie, when I first landed, in New York or when I flew via Los Angeles, I wasn’t hit with the “wow factor” that everyone seems to go on about. It was bloody cold in New York and don’t get me started on the amount of homeless people I saw and how some of the subways smelt like piss. But yes after a few days, I finally fell in love. I fell in love with Manhattan grew fond of the fast paced vibe. I stayed in Midtown, first at the Double Tree Hotel on Lexington Ave, then I stayed at Hotel Metro on 45 W 35th St, in hindsight I should have just stayed at the same hotel because it was the same price per night but that’s a story for another day, both hotels were pretty dope.

Riding around in my uber

The conference I attended was The Association Of Performing Arts Presenters. It’s a global conference that brings together talented people within the creative space. Whether its acting, dancing, producing, singing, plays, or writing, the conference literally had every arts category covered. I got to meet like minded individuals who are writers and it really gave me the hope and fuel I needed to keep doing what I do.

The thing about pursing “creative” things is that, if you’re not passionate about it, you might not stick with it. If you are doing it for all the wrong reasons such as fame and fortune, you might need to take a back seat -because while there is a possibility that one day, it will pay, it’s not an instant thing, it doesn’t happen over night. Sometimes it’s a luck thing, you know, being in the right place at the right time type of thing. You might meet someone who will introduce you to a contact, then that contact will pull pull a few strings for you and if all goes well, BAM! You’ll get your breakthrough! And then sometimes (mind you this is the more common case) it’s just an absolute struggle. You will struggle with your creative “passion” to the point where you will even start to question yourself like “damn, is it really worth all this pain, sacrifice and embarrassment?”

My APAP Conference Badge

I’ve had to sacrifice a lot to do some of the things I love. I’ve sacrificed so much that it’s sometimes scary to think what might happen if all of it was for nothing? Studying my two degrees in uni took some sheer effort, to convince my parents that it was worth their buck. People talk about how your parents are your biggest fans and they want you to go after what you love blah blah, but in all honesty mine were probably thinking about what degree is going to actually allow me to have a lucrative career and live a comfortable lifestyle that is not dependent on them. So trust me the words “entertainment” and “television” entangled in my degree did not have my parents convinced at all. It’s only now that I’ve actually worked a little bit hard to prove that I can do something with what I am studying, that they now probably sleep better at night knowing I may not need to live off them forever after all. But anyways, back to this whole sacrifice thing. It is unpredictable. Like at the end of the day, I could come up empty with jack shxt after giving up so much. But then I always think to myself, I’d rather end up with nothing, knowing I tried, than to be in the same position and not knowing what could have been if I had just taken a chance on myself.

Being a savage in Victoria Secret because they had awesome sales

So that’s kinda why I do crazy things all the time like ending up in New York for a conference just to be surrounded by other crazy people like me who have this so called “creative mind” and mild desperation to share their work and show up even when it scares the absolute crap out of them.

To Be Continued…

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