Turn It Up 

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Have you ever been through certain situations where you just didn’t have the right words to describe how you felt but a song did it for you? Yep… That’s me right now. The downside of being a writer is that, it is very difficult to feel authentic about your work unless you are honest with yourself. Sometimes the truth is not pretty and it makes it harder to share those ugly parts with your readers but here goes…

I was struggling to sleep because I could not for the life of me express the anger I was feeling and I felt very agitated. I could not express my anger for two reasons:

1. I didn’t want to be “that girl” or acknowledge that someone I really liked, had literally just tried to make me their side chick or side piece (whatever you want to call it). I mean we joke about these things and laugh until it actually happens to you; then it’s not so funny. Shit becomes real.

2. I didn’t want to give it any attention because such behavior from anyone isn’t worth losing sleep over and it’s best to just pick yourself up and keep it moving.

But of-course me being human and having feelings, I found it very difficult to just let it go without acknowledging that this really happened to me. As I was going back and forth with the voices in my head, I thought about a song that best described how I was feeling. The words from this song expressed my situation with words I wasn’t willing to mutter out just yet.  The song is called “Turn It Up”  from Kelly Rowland’s “Here I Am” album.

I played the song and it made me angry because now I could relate to the damn song and it’s lyrics. Before, it was just a nice song that I liked with no specific meaning.

In a nutshell the guy I’ve liked for some time really took me for a roller coaster ride. We were on the same page of liking each other but couldn’t be together. Granted what the situation was, we both let it go.

He moved on faster than I did (which kinda makes me wonder if he really liked me all that much to begin with) and got a girlfriend. However, he decided that he wanted to have his cake and eat it too! So he continued to flirt with me and express the fact that he missed me. He didn’t tell me he had a girlfriend personally, I had to find out from good old Instagram and Facebook. With this knowledge, I decided to confront him and ask him if he had a girlfriend because his behavior towards me was very coy.

His response was very disappointing, yet so typical of the guy who has no qualms having more than one girl at a time. He admitted that he was indeed seeing someone and that he really liked her. On the other hand but he said he had feelings for me and didn’t want to lose me completely. (Say what? Did he hear himself?)

At this point I was fuming because I could not believe the words that were coming out of his mouth so shamelessly. Before I responded to his pathetic gesture, I put myself in his girlfriends shoes and went about the whole “Mother Teresa” approach. I asked myself, “would I be happy knowing that he is ‘friends’ with a girl he likes and flirts with on the low?” The answer to that was obvious, I wouldn’t be amused.

So I had to pack my little pride and just let it go. It took a minute to realize that he had just tried to make me his side chick. When that finally hit, it was such a low blow for me because I have my standards and it seemed like those standards had just been ridiculed in my face

As much of a low blow as it was it was for me to find myself in this situation, I didn’t think twice about it even though I really really liked him. It also made me realize that this whole side chick thing can sometimes start off in a way that will make you think you are not doing anything wrong by just being “friends”. If you don’t cut ties, it will have you lying to yourself that you are just “friends” with another woman’s man and from there on, I’m sure it just gets messy. From there on, nobody has time to figure out who was in the wrong in your situation. Chances are, the guy who convinced you to stay will walk away with little to no criticism, while you earn yourself a new title as a ‘hoe’ or ‘home wrecker’.

Share your thoughts about this issue. Have you ever been in a similar situation? If so how did you handle it or what are your views on the matter?

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