20 Something…

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In a perfect world, I would be graduating this year. I would have my life together and I would be 100% happy with all my life choices thus far. But life has a funny way of taking us on a detour. Sometimes, that detour is led by you and sometimes other circumstances or people lead you on that detour. Either way, it’s still a detour. Life isn’t perfect for anyone, infact nobody is perfect. Even the greatest people who appear to have the most awesome lives have their fair share of insecurities and troubles that we know nothing about. If they are brave enough, they will share some of their darkest moments or the problems they face. But more often that not, we are left to our own assumptions and automatically tend to think that the glimpses of someone else’s life that we see are all there is to that person, when really there is more.

In the last 2 years of my life I have spent most of my time fighting to be someone better and trying my best to be perfect. The main reason I was doing this was because I had a personal setback where I let myself down. It was one of the darkest and probably the lowest point in my life. I was only 19 and I could not believe that I had managed to stuff up my life so badly. At the time it seemed like such a big deal but looking back it probably wasn’t that big of a deal but it still hurt. Since then, I spent my days trying to fight what was turning into depression and turn it into something meaningful and more powerful than the voices in my head telling me I was a failure. Despite the negative loud voices in my head, there was a soft voice that never gave up on me. This voice told me not to listen to the much louder and negative voice. It told me to hold on and pray and that eventually everything would be okay. At the time I didn’t believe this soft angelic voice but it was better than listening to the loud and ugly voice so I took my chances and held on, turns out it was the best decision I ever made.

I took my chances and held onto the hope that I really could become something greater than my setback. Although it didn’t happen overnight and was far from a walk in the park. I got there eventually. Now the debate is I don’t know if I got there by dealing with my problems or if I got there by shoving them under the mat and hoping I would never have to face those issues again. And now here I am 21 and looking back on the dramatic changes that took place in my life 3 years ago. Some of the things make me smile and proud to be where I am today and a few of those things make me so mad and question how I even got myself into that situation and let it prolong. All of these events, both good and bad are proof that life is so unpredictable and that we need something more powerful other than ourselves, our friends and our family members to hold onto to make it through a really hard day. We need God to guide us at all times because no matter how great you think you are or how hard you have worked to be the person you are today, it can all change if we lose sight of what is really holding us together.

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