When two people are not together anymore, should they continue to converse knowing that they cannot be pure friends who will not catch feelings over trivial things? I used to be of the opinion that you can definitely be besties with your ex, keep them in your little palm and share your life with them while also having a successful, meaningful friendship. Well I was wrong. I tried to fight for this belief and continue to be friends with my ex but something inside me never felt right, largely because I knew my ex still had feelings for me in ways that sometimes broke me. In a situation like that it is very difficult to feel comfortable or build a relationship without feeling like you are walking on eggshells with the other party.
Anything and everything you do or say can go either way: it can turn into anger, unwanted jealousy or a walk down memory lane, when you used to be lovers, none of which are healthy. I found myself balanced for about 20% of the conversations I shared with my ex, the remaining 80 were distributed in either trying to figure out what went wrong or guilt trips for me wanting something different for my life or situations that were misinterpreted and turned into arguments that often left me feeling drained. I was always trying to justify myself to him or explain why I did the things that I did but we weren’t together anymore so why did I feel I owed him this much? He had too much power over my emotions and I do not know wether he knew this and used it to his advantage or was just simply trying to revive an old love. From what I have come to learn, love is not difficult. It should be simple, simple enough to have your fair share of ups and downs but get through them. The bible reads:
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away”. -1 Corinthians 13:4-8
This scripture for me, is the key to loving people right and how it should feel when you share that love. I am only responsible for my actions and the same principle applies to everyone, you are responsible for you. The more I experience growth in my life, the more comfortable I become talking about these things and opening up about some of my scars. In doing so, I have found it also helps me get through. Word are very powerful and they need to be expressed, because the mind can be a very dark place if left alone for too long without letting go of some of those thoughts.