Stars for Your Scars

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She’s been through so much in this life, like the rest of us,

she has a couple scars, but through perseverance and

prayer God eventually gave her stars. You see she never

really settled down when she was young. Mama was on

the move, travelling from city to city, country to country.

She had to sacrifice parts of her childhood but in return

got to travel the world and experience a life most kids

her age could only dream of.

Eventually she settled down. The flying in and out of cities

came to and end and so did being the only child. Seven years

later she now had a little sister. The little sister wasn’t quite

what she had hoped or anticipated for. She was too small to play

with and she seemed to take up all of mom and dads attention.

Years have gone by and still she stands, stronger than I could

ever have imagined her to. I guess she was destined to be strong

because she always speaks her mind even when her voice is trembling.

I’ve always admired that about her, she is real, she is raw and you

will rarely ever see her trying to fit in a square when clearly she was

meant to be in a circle. She’s a free spirit who’s love runs so deep

even the ocean would be jelous. You see her love for me is

unconditional.

There have been many times when I wasn’t worthy

of her love yet she gave it to me anyways.

There are nights when I cant sleep and need to to talk to her,

she’ll do her best to listen even if all she has to say is okay.

See there are parts of me that aren’t pretty too, things I’ve done

and been through and had to be brave enough to tell her. She never

judged me or looked at me in disgust. Instead she opened her arms

even wider and held onto me even tighter.

There have been times when my spirit has been weak and my

heart was falling into pieces. She never once turned her back on

me and told me to stop drowning her with my own endless little

dramas. You see the truth is she was probably drowning more than

I was and needed someone to lay of some of her bigger issues but she

never let it show.

She made a few choices herself, that really took her to a dark place

one in particular that shred her soul to tiny little shreds and left

her feeling empty and broken. No one will ever understand the

pain and guilt she must have felt. Yet she never played the victim

and shut down on life. She allowed her scars to heal, and though

they may never heal completely, she’ll never deny her mistakes

or try to hide her shame. She wears her invisible scars.

As life continues to unravel itself before her eyes, God gave her

a very good foundation for this life she is living and the greater

part of it she is yet to experience. God gave her a good partner

a man who is humble and hasn’t done a bad job at all being her

husband. Like all of us, he has his flaws too but the good outweighs

the bad by a milestone. She may not know it but I pray for her

family sometimes. I pray for her precious little bundle the most. He

was a blessing I never saw coming. I never really knew what love was

until I walked through the arrivals area at the airport and this little

wrapped up muffin was inside a blue blanket. His eyes were beaming

his skin was glowing. This little boy released emotions I never knew

existed inside of me. He made everything that wasn’t right in my life

at the time seem so small. Now that I am not with him my heart

yearns even more when I hear a baby cry, or see a little baby with his

mommy and sometimes even when I walk past a baby store.

Yes this is truly love, it’s a deep and unpredictable kind of love

it just grows stronger and stronger everyday. You see, she is not

just some character with a story. She is my sister. She is my friend.

My love for her has changed. I never knew she would end up

being one of the most important people in my life. After my

mom suffered from bipolar, I had no one. My mum was my best

friend and she knew everything about me. Losing her was like

losing a piece of my soul, a part of my identity was ripped apart

and she left without even saying goodbye. I miss the person my

mama used to be though she is still here physically, mentally she

is not the same person.

My sister not only managed to fill that space up but she also taught me

how to love myself and be a little bit independent. It wasn’t an easy

lesson for me to master but now I can safely and confidently say that

while my sister does share a big chunk of my life and is an important

person only God now holds the piece to the other half of my heart.

Only God now holds the keys to my soul. I may not be the perfect

Christian but I understand and have accepted God’s love for me.

This love is unconditional and should life take away my sister I

Know that one day, I will find the will to live again because her

Spirit will go on forever and her love will now be in the form of

God’s love. I wish I had mastered this lesson with my mom, that

Way I wouldn’t feel so torn about it. But its never too late, and slowly

But surely I am learning to accept the person she is today, not

The person I would want her to be.

So here’s to you Ms Chavela_M, may you never forget your

Roots, and please know that you really are something special

To me. I thank God as much as I possibly can for all that you are

Here’s to a strong and better version of you. Had you not gone

Through everything you went through growing up (and yes even

the most painful experiences) you would certainly not be the

woman you are today or be living the kind of life you are

living. God still has more stars for every single little and big

star that you bear. So the bigger the scar, always and always

remember, the bigger the star.

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